Raise The terror watch alert to Defcon 4, Kim Kardashian has been robbed. Somebody put eyes on Paris Hilton ASAP. I HATE CNN!

In response to the “very important” Kim Kardashian robbery situation CNN put a former jewel thief and a former Kardashian bodyguard on as experts. The former jewel thief proclaimed without any evidence that the robbery was an inside job. The former bodyguard used this opportunity to advertise his bodyguard services. Once again CNN stopped covering news to broadcast nonsense. This has been: I HATE CNN.